I want to write about sensitive sociocultural issues, and I'm struggling to figure out how to share my work without upsetting my mother. She worries that if I publish content regarding semi-taboo topics, it will endanger future opportunities. I'll knock on the door, they'll open it to glance at me, and then slam the door shut again. A potential employer might Google my name and be repulsed by what they find, for who-knows-what reason. It could definitely happen.
I don't want to limit my future more than necessary. A certain amount of limiting happens naturally and is unavoidable--for example, I'm unlikely to be a scientist, because of my personality and my academic choices. That's okay. However, someday I might want to work with a religious organization, or a school. I can always scoff, "I don't want to collaborate with close-minded people anyway!" But... I'm hesitant to declare that. Never say never, right?
On the other hand, I have an irrepressible need to express my thoughts and share them. It's compulsive, even imperative. I'm not me if I'm not writing and offering myself to readers.
My mom also worries that a preoccupation with "sordid" topics, especially aberrant sexuality, indicates that I'm falling back into depression. I go back and forth about it.
What I do know is that I want to feel free to tackle difficult subjects, and use "four-letter words", and engage in textual analysis of myself and my peers. I want my writing to be uninhibited by the last generation's mores.
It's funny; the poem that sparked this post isn't even slightly salacious:
swollen bug-bite
fat bottom third of my index finger
sore lump, red pinprick
fucking monsters in my bed
I was just worried about the profanity. I feel like "the F-word" needs to be in the poem, not that this poem is particularly essential, but swearing was necessary for the punchy finish I craved.
I don't know.
// Alexander Lyubavin //
If you read Sharon Olds, you will find a writer who includes the most difficult, intimate topics, but never in a way that causes us to worry about her stability or reliability. So I think the question might not be simply about the topic, but about the way that you place yourself within the topic. Stephen Dobyns is also like this at times.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has thoughts that can be misconstrued. For example, when someone gets cut off in traffic, they might feel briefly like killing the driver that cut them off. It's called "road rage." There are a lot of reasons for it, and it's very common. Dwelling on feelings of road rage and blogging about it could either come across as normal and self-reflective, or psychopathic. So the impression left by the piece can be important.
It's extremely easy to draw conclusions from digital imprints. For example, yesterday a man was arrested for the "hot car" death of his toddler. The article mentioned that he had done searches recently on how hot a car needed to be to kill a child. With this set of facts, and a few others, I feel like his guilt is pretty certain. It's incredibly easy for people to create a story in their head from a few facts. I still think he is guilty, but I was stunned by how few facts it took me to reach that conclusion.
Even if you never plan to run for office, it's not a great idea to leave a lot of digital imprints that someone could use to damage your credibility. This applies during job hunting, but also in many other contexts. For example, let's say you want to write something about a social issue, and instead of responding to your ideas an opponent brings out a string of quotes from your old blogs that make you seem far outside the norm in your thinking. This is a way of attacking your ideas by saying that come from a person who we don't need to respect.
So whatever you write about .... I think it's important to consider how you place yourself inside the topic, and to know that people can easily take bits and pieces out of context to create their own story about you.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment.
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