Live Oak

I have a pen pal. We write to each other sporadically. His handwriting is tiny and mine sprawls a little, malformed because these days I'm so used to typing. He sends me pretty cards, and I set up my favorites on top of my dresser. Our correspondence doesn't have much continuity, but we send snippets of our lives, sometimes including literal snippets, a leaf or a piece of fabric. He says, "Small steps are still steps."



I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment. X wants me to go surfing with him, and that's scary. I quit my job (effective in a couple of weeks) and that's scary too.

I want to be brave about trying new things, about experimenting and having fun with X, but the possibility of failure makes me freeze up. Of course, that reaction is crazy. The proposed scenario doesn't even contain the possibility of failure! If I don't like surfing, that's fine. If I'm bad at it, that's fine too. X will still like me. Rationally, I know this.

Losing my income stream (albeit voluntarily) makes me feel out of control. I wonder when I will become a proper grownup. I'm turning 20 next month, but I have very far to go before I'll be able to support myself. I quit my job so I can focus on my personal projects and school, maybe do some freelancing... We'll see.



I hope y'all like the unrelated tree photos.