I want to quit the internet. This place does not cultivate personal serenity. I know that's a drastic move, one I won't take, and that even if I did it would probably turn out that the problems were within me, not within the fractious network. I get so anxious. The web is huge and uncontrollable; life is huge and uncontrollable too, but the physical reality of it leaves me lulled, feeling insulated.
It's ironic that I'm writing this on Blogger, that in a few minutes I'll click the "Publish" button and my thoughts will be accessible to anyone on my website. The internet makes me worried, but here I am communing with it, forever paying homage to the odd electronic entity that enables a thousand connections: mostly shallow. It is like a very wide body of water, large enough to have a horizon glow-line, but full with only an inch of muddy deep.
I have so many channels to maintain. Tumblr and various other social media, blogs, even email threads--all of this is supposedly contributing to something. I maintain all of it, a tottering behemoth of information, but to what end? The possibility of ad revenue? The reality is that I feel jaded and burned out and disillusioned.
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