I laid in bed pondering that for a while. Frustration, anger, and hurt were running through my own mind. Fiercely, I thought, "You can't ignore me for a year and then expect everything to be hunky dory."
But you also can't tell someone that you've been lying to them for months and think they'll be okay with it, because mental illness is not a get-out-of-jail free card. Maybe I should have known that she would cut me off. And so I have to tell myself, once again: Stop using your issues as an excuse to treat people badly.
Context: My cousin texted me a few days ago, asking if I wanted to hang out. There was a bit of back-and-forth, crossed wires, and I hemmed and hawed, but eventually I was straightforward: "I don't want to deal with this."
I can't decide if that was cowardice or "speaking my truth". Or both.
What would I tell myself if I were an advice columnist? What would Mother Mary do?
1) Move on. Clearly you don't want that relationship. 2) Forgive. Apologize. Reconnect.
I'm not a "big enough person" to pursue #2.
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