Cool Catahoula

I am at Catahoula Coffee. My coffee is too strong, my parents are disappointed in me, and the dude to my left keeps trying to strike up a conversation, but at least I look cute and I'm out of the house. Lately I haven't been venturing into the world except to drive my sister around--although my dad and I did eat supper at Kaliente last night--so I decided to take myself out, in the interest of mental health. I'm doing the same thing I would be at home--blogging--but I'm doing it with a social soundtrack, at least. People chit-chatting and the rhythmic growl of the roaster.

I've been significantly happier since I stopped caring about school, which happened on Wednesday night. On Tuesday, I abruptly left partway through my morning geography class, because I was swelling up with suicidalism and I couldn't just keep sitting there. I started crying on the train ride home, which was embarrassing. I stayed semi-suicidal for the rest of the day, and although Wednesday wasn't quite as bad, it was still horrible. I couldn't bring myself to do the work for my night class. I think I turned off caring about school (not intentionally) because caring about it was disabling my ability to function. To survive. I've been throwing my energy into blogging instead, mainly focusing on producing content for my fashion blog.

On the one hand, my mood has been good; I've had productive energy. Not in a manic way, either, which sometimes happens, but in a way that feels genuinely positive. On the other hand, I'm doing an academic nosedive. Somehow, it doesn't seem to matter to me. After all, what I want to do is be an online content creator--a blogger! You don't need a degree for that. But it's hard to turn into a viable career, or honestly to generate any income at all. I just applied for a Google AdSense account, and I have a plan to approach people about doing sponsored posts, but neither of those is a sure thing. Even if they were... well, there's no guarantee of significant profitability.

I don't quite know what to do. I don't want to go back to school--I feel like I can't do that, like that potential reality isn't even possible. I guess I'll keep working on my blogging empire until my parents sit me down for a Really Serious Discussion.