I had bad dreams--a remix of Bones with melted colors; serves me right for watching TV late at night--and woke up itchy with sweat. I silenced four alarms intended to prevent me from sleeping in long enough to feel crummy. 8am. 8:05am. 8:10am. 8:15am. Always my own worst enemy, like anybody is. I wasn't sure if I had missed my dose yesterday but I must have 'cause the jitters and heat encased my brain. This morning I bolted bitter tea and handfuls of baby carrots. Mixed coffee into my "Super Irish Breakfast" to mellow it; drank too many weak-but-potent mugs.
To kill the caffeine, I ran with the neighbor's dog, or at least made an attempt. She's more interested in nosing at plants, but will lope along next to me for a few stretches. The weather was misty but muggy so I dripped obscenely with sweat. When I showered I turned up the volume and let 70s hits pound the curtain (thanks, Pandora) and headbanged while brushing my teeth with the hope of forgetting myself. It was almost comical.
Here's what I say to myself now: Deal with the present. Check off the tasks on your list. Pretend there is no future to worry about it. Technically it's true--according to my understanding of time, the future doesn't exist yet. Just read your textbook and take your outfit photos and pretend that you feel like a person. Fake it till you make it, baby.
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