Wants & Needs

Here's what I'm looking for in a relationship, whether platonic or romantic: comfort, ease, and affection.

My boyfriend recently asked me to shave my body hair. I said no. He said he felt irked that I wouldn't do this "little thing" for him. This is what I responded:

"1. The actual physical process of shaving is really annoying, and it takes time, and razor burn is pretty much inevitable.

2. As a woman, there's so much pressure to look a certain way in order to be pleasing to men. It's taken a long time and a lot of effort for me to start thinking of my body as MY body, to realize that it's okay to prioritize my own comfort over how I look to other people--especially male people. Only recently have I stopped freaking out about my weight and not having big boobs every single time I look in the mirror, but those things still make me uncomfortable, and I worry about them. Growing body hair has been a way to say 'fuck you' to the standards to which women are held, to say 'my body's natural state is okay', to actively take ownership of my own damn flesh.

3. In light of #2, it's frustrating to me to be requested to shave. If I do it, I feel like I'm going back on all the work I've done to try and feel like my body is worthy and valuable the way it is. And I want my relationships to be comfortable and easy, not a source of stress. I want my natural, regular self to be sexy to my partner. I don't want to have to wear different things and change my physicality in order for the relationship to work. I've had to do that my whole life, and I'm tired of it.

So that's the long explanation."

When I was discussing this with my friend Kyndra, I told her that having body hair wasn't a political statement for me, and I stand by that. It's more of a desperate attempt to take care of myself.